How to be human

Part I: The Basics

This introductory section sets the foundation for Jory the golden retriever's observations on human life. It establishes his unique perspective as a service dog, guiding his human, Jory Fleming, who has autism. The chapters within this part delve into the fundamental aspects of human existence that often puzzle or challenge his human, such as social norms, communication styles, and sensory experiences. It frames the dog's role as a patient, insightful observer and a constant source of support, providing a framework for understanding the complexities of being human through a simpler, more instinctual lens.

The Rules

Jory the dog introduces his perspective on the often-confusing 'human rules' that govern social interactions. He observes his human, Jory Fleming, navigating these unwritten rules, which can be particularly challenging for someone with autism. The dog emphasizes the importance of understanding and sometimes bending these rules, highlighting how his presence helps his human interpret and manage social situations, providing a calming and grounding influence. He establishes his role as an observer and guide, setting the stage for the lessons to come, and illustrates how many human anxieties stem from the pressure to conform to these complex, often unspoken, societal expectations.

Routines

Jory the dog explains the profound importance of routines, not just for himself but especially for his human. He details how predictable schedules and consistent actions provide comfort, reduce anxiety, and create a sense of safety and control. He describes their daily rituals, from morning walks to meal times, and how these routines help his human manage sensory overload and unexpected changes. The chapter illustrates how routines act as a vital framework for life, allowing for greater independence and reducing stress in an unpredictable world, ultimately fostering a sense of calm and predictability for both dog and human.

Communication

This chapter delves into the multifaceted nature of communication, contrasting human verbal complexities with the more direct, instinctual communication of dogs. Jory observes how his human struggles with nuanced human language, body language, and social cues, often misinterpreting intentions or feeling overwhelmed by social demands. He highlights how his own clear, consistent signals (like a nudge or a bark) provide unambiguous messages. The chapter explores how dogs can bridge communication gaps, offering a non-judgmental presence that facilitates understanding and connection beyond words, teaching the value of clarity and authenticity in interaction.

Sensory Input

Jory describes the world through his heightened canine senses, particularly smell and hearing, and how these senses differ from and sometimes overwhelm his human. He explains how certain sounds, textures, or smells can be distressing for his human, leading to sensory overload and anxiety. The chapter illustrates how Jory acts as a buffer and a guide, helping his human navigate environments that might otherwise be too stimulating or disorienting. He emphasizes the importance of understanding and managing sensory input to create a more comfortable and accessible world, highlighting the unseen challenges faced by individuals with sensory sensitivities.

The Human Condition

In this chapter, Jory reflects on the broader aspects of what it means to be human, observing the complexities of human emotions, desires, and struggles. He notes the human tendency towards worry, self-doubt, and the search for meaning, contrasting it with his own simpler, present-focused existence. He offers an outsider's perspective on human vulnerabilities and strengths, suggesting that many human challenges stem from overthinking or societal pressures. Jory subtly encourages readers to embrace their authentic selves and find joy in simple truths, reminding them of the inherent value in just 'being' rather than constantly 'doing' or 'achieving'.

Part II: Relationships

This section shifts focus from individual human experiences to the dynamics of connection and interaction. Jory the golden retriever, through his unwavering loyalty and intuitive understanding, explores the essence of various human relationships. He provides insights into how bonds are formed, maintained, and strengthened, drawing parallels and contrasts between canine and human approaches to friendship, empathy, trust, and love. These chapters highlight the profound impact of genuine connection and the lessons humans can learn from the simplicity and depth of a dog's devotion, emphasizing the foundational elements of meaningful interpersonal bonds.

Friendship

Jory explores the concept of friendship from a dog's unwavering perspective, emphasizing loyalty, unconditional acceptance, and shared presence. He describes his bond with his human as the epitome of true friendship, where understanding goes beyond words and support is constant. The chapter contrasts this with the often-complicated dynamics of human friendships, where expectations, social rules, and judgments can create barriers. Jory illustrates how his simple, consistent companionship offers a model for genuine connection, free from pretense or conditions, teaching the value of being a steadfast and non-judgmental companion.

Empathy

This chapter delves into empathy, explaining how Jory perceives and responds to his human's emotional states. He describes his innate ability to sense distress, anxiety, or joy, and how he instinctively offers comfort or shares in happiness through physical closeness and gentle nudges. Jory highlights that empathy isn't just about understanding feelings but about responding with compassion and presence, without the need for words. He illustrates how his non-verbal cues and physical closeness provide a powerful form of emotional support, teaching his human and readers about the profound impact of simply 'being there' for someone.

Trust

Jory discusses the fundamental importance of trust, both in the relationship between a human and a service dog, and in human interactions generally. He explains how his consistent reliability, unwavering presence, and predictable actions build profound trust with his human, allowing his human to feel safe and supported in the world. The chapter explores how trust is earned through actions, not just words, and how it forms the bedrock of any meaningful relationship, enabling vulnerability and fostering a sense of security. He emphasizes that trust is a precious commodity, easily broken but essential for deep connection.

Love

In this chapter, Jory reflects on the purest form of love, as experienced and given by a dog. He describes love as unconditional, accepting, and ever-present, a force that transcends words, expectations, or conditions. He illustrates how his love for his human provides a constant source of comfort, motivation, and joy, helping his human navigate life's challenges and feel truly valued. The chapter suggests that human love can learn from canine devotion, emphasizing the power of simple affection, loyalty, and unwavering presence, reminding readers that love is often found in the quiet, consistent acts of care.

Part III: Living Your Best Life

The final section of the book synthesizes Jory the golden retriever's observations into actionable insights for leading a fulfilling life. Building on the foundations of understanding oneself and fostering meaningful relationships, these chapters explore higher-level concepts such as finding joy, purpose, and resilience. Jory offers his unique perspective on navigating life's challenges, embracing acceptance, and looking towards the future with hope. This part serves as a culmination of the dog's wisdom, encouraging readers to apply the lessons of simplicity, presence, and unconditional love to cultivate a life rich in meaning and contentment, guided by a service dog's profound understanding.

Joy

Jory shares his perspective on finding joy in everyday moments, from a good meal to a walk in the park, or the simple pleasure of a belly rub. He encourages readers to embrace simple pleasures and to live in the present, free from the anxieties of the past or future. He describes how his own boundless enthusiasm for life's small wonders often reminds his human to appreciate the beauty and happiness around them, even amidst challenges. The chapter emphasizes that joy is not about grand achievements but about cultivating an appreciation for the ordinary and finding happiness in connection and presence.

Purpose

Jory reflects on his own clear purpose as a service dog and how having a purpose gives meaning and direction to life. He observes how humans often struggle to define their purpose, leading to feelings of aimlessness or dissatisfaction. He illustrates how his role in supporting his human provides him with immense satisfaction and how this sense of purpose helps his human navigate the world with greater confidence and intention. The chapter suggests that purpose doesn't have to be grand, but rather a commitment to contributing and making a difference, however small, bringing fulfillment and direction.

Resilience

This chapter explores the concept of resilience through Jory's observations of his human's ability to bounce back from setbacks and challenges. He notes that life inevitably presents difficulties, but the capacity to adapt, learn, and continue forward is crucial. Jory describes how his consistent presence and grounding influence help his human cope with stress, sensory overload, and overcome obstacles, providing a stable anchor. He emphasizes that resilience is not about avoiding pain, but about enduring it with support, learning from experiences, and finding strength in perseverance, much like a dog's unwavering spirit.

Acceptance

Jory discusses the importance of acceptance—both self-acceptance and the acceptance of others. He highlights how dogs offer unconditional acceptance, seeing past superficial differences, social awkwardness, or perceived flaws to the core being. He describes how his unwavering acceptance helps his human embrace their unique qualities and challenges, fostering self-worth and confidence. The chapter encourages readers to let go of judgment and embrace diversity, illustrating how true connection and peace flourish when individuals feel genuinely seen, valued, and loved for exactly who they are, without conditions or expectations.

The Future

In the concluding chapter, Jory reflects on the future, acknowledging its uncertainties but emphasizing the importance of living fully in the present and applying the lessons learned. He reiterates the principles of communication, empathy, joy, and acceptance, encouraging readers to integrate them into their lives. Jory expresses his enduring commitment to his human, promising continued support and companionship through whatever lies ahead. The chapter leaves readers with a message of hope, connection, and the enduring power of the human-animal bond to navigate life's journey, reminding them that even in uncertainty, love and presence remain constant guides.

In "How to Be Human," Jory Fleming shares his poignant journey of navigating life with autism, offering a unique perspective on the human experience. The memoir explores themes of connection, identity, and resilience, revealing how Fleming's distinct worldview shapes his interactions and understanding of others.

Fleming recounts his challenges and triumphs, from the struggles of social communication to the joys of forming deep relationships. Key moments highlight his academic achievements and the supportive role of his family and mentors, illustrating the importance of community in overcoming obstacles. The narrative emphasizes that every person’s experience is valid and that differences can enhance our understanding of humanity.

Significant concepts include empathy, the power of storytelling, and the importance of advocacy for those with disabilities. Fleming's insights challenge societal perceptions and encourage readers to embrace diversity.

Ultimately, "How to Be Human" invit...