How to be human Questions & Answers

The central message of 'How to be human' is that there isn't one single way to be human or to belong. Through Jory Fleming's autistic perspective, the book advocates for understanding, acceptance, and celebrating neurodiversity. It emphasizes that differences in communication, processing, and experiencing the world are valid and valuable, challenging societal norms and promoting empathy for diverse ways of being.

The title 'How to be human' is ironic and thought-provoking. It doesn't offer a prescriptive guide but rather explores what it means to be human from an autistic perspective. It suggests that 'being human' is about authenticity, connection, and finding one's unique place in the world, rather than conforming to neurotypical expectations. It's a journey of self-discovery and mutual understanding, challenging conventional definitions of humanity.

Jory describes autism not as a deficit, but as a different operating system for his brain, likening it to a supercomputer with unique processing capabilities. He explains his sensory sensitivities, his preference for quiet, and his distinct ways of communicating and forming connections. He emphasizes that his autistic experience offers a rich internal world and a different, often insightful, perspective on the world around him.

Leader, Jory's service dog, is profoundly significant, serving as Jory's 'bridge to the world.' Leader provides essential physical and emotional support, helping Jory navigate sensory overload, social interactions, and anxiety. Their bond is one of unconditional acceptance and understanding, allowing Jory to feel safe, confident, and connected. Leader enables Jory to engage with the world more fully and independently.

Jory communicates through various methods, including typing on a communication device, non-verbal cues, and sometimes spoken words. He faces challenges with verbal articulation and processing rapid social exchanges, which can make traditional conversations difficult. However, he emphasizes that understanding doesn't always require words, and he often communicates deeply through his presence, observations, and the bond with Leader.

Jory directly challenges the misconception that autistic people lack empathy by stating, 'I don't lack empathy; I just express it differently.' He explains that while his emotional responses might not always align with neurotypical expectations, he deeply feels and understands the emotions of others. He demonstrates that empathy can manifest in diverse ways, often through quiet observation and profound internal processing rather than overt displays.

Jory describes his sensory experiences as often overwhelming, likening the world to a 'noisy place' where he sometimes needs to 'turn down the volume.' He is highly sensitive to sounds, lights, and textures, which can lead to sensory overload and anxiety. He explains how these heightened senses shape his perception and his need for quiet environments to process information and maintain his well-being.

Jory's experiences with the education system were mixed. While he possessed a brilliant mind, traditional classroom settings often presented significant challenges due to sensory overload, communication barriers, and a lack of understanding from educators. He thrived when provided with accommodations, individualized support, and alternative communication methods, eventually excelling in higher education and demonstrating his intellectual capabilities.

Jory's mother, Leta, plays a crucial and supportive role in the narrative. As co-author, she helps articulate Jory's experiences and insights, providing context and a dual perspective. Throughout Jory's life, she has been his fierce advocate, tirelessly seeking appropriate support, communication methods, and educational opportunities. Her dedication and unwavering belief in Jory's potential are central to his journey and success.

The book promotes understanding of neurodiversity by presenting autism not as a disorder to be cured, but as a natural variation of the human brain. Through Jory's first-person account, it highlights the unique strengths, perspectives, and challenges of an autistic individual. It encourages readers to move beyond stereotypes, embrace different ways of thinking and being, and create a more inclusive world that values all forms of human intelligence and experience.

Jory finds traditional social interactions challenging due to their rapid pace and reliance on unspoken cues, but he deeply values connection and friendship. He seeks genuine understanding and acceptance, often finding profound connections with those who look beyond his communication differences. His relationship with Leader exemplifies his capacity for deep, non-verbal bonds, demonstrating that meaningful relationships don't always conform to neurotypical norms.

Jory defines 'belonging' not as fitting in or conforming, but as finding one's unique place and being accepted for who you truly are. For him, 'being human' is about authenticity, connection, and experiencing the world in one's own way, rather than adhering to a universal standard. He suggests that humanity is enriched by diverse perspectives and that true belonging comes from self-acceptance and mutual respect.

Jory faces significant challenges related to communication barriers, sensory overload in noisy or unpredictable environments, and societal misunderstandings about autism. He struggles with the pressure to conform to neurotypical social norms and the frustration of being underestimated due to his communication style. These challenges often lead to anxiety and the need for careful planning and support to navigate daily life.

Jory highlights several unique strengths of his autistic mind, including an exceptional ability for deep focus, a meticulous attention to detail, and a unique way of processing information that allows for profound insights. He possesses a rich internal world, a strong memory, and a genuine, non-judgmental perspective on people and situations. His 'different operating system' enables him to see patterns and connections others might miss.

Readers can learn to approach autistic individuals with greater empathy, patience, and an open mind. The book teaches the importance of respecting diverse communication styles, recognizing that quietness doesn't equate to a lack of thought, and understanding sensory sensitivities. It encourages active listening, providing accommodations, and celebrating neurodiversity, fostering a more inclusive environment where autistic individuals can thrive and contribute their unique gifts.

Leader profoundly transformed Jory's life by providing a constant source of calm, security, and companionship. With Leader by his side, Jory gained confidence to navigate public spaces, reducing his anxiety and sensory overload. Leader facilitated interactions with others, often acting as a conversation starter and a buffer. This partnership allowed Jory to achieve greater independence, pursue higher education, and connect with the world in ways previously unimaginable.

The book was co-written by Jory Fleming and his mother, Leta. Jory, who primarily communicates by typing on a communication device, shared his thoughts, experiences, and insights. Leta then helped to organize, contextualize, and articulate these contributions into a coherent narrative, ensuring Jory's authentic voice and perspective were accurately represented. This collaborative process allowed for a rich, dual-perspective storytelling approach.

Spoiler: The ultimate message at the end of the book is one of hope, acceptance, and the ongoing journey of self-discovery and connection. Jory doesn't 'overcome' autism but embraces it as an integral part of his identity. The resolution emphasizes that true humanity lies in celebrating diversity, fostering understanding, and building bridges between different ways of experiencing the world, with Jory finding his unique and valuable place within it, often with Leader by his side.