Before You Meet Your Future Husband: 30 Questions to Ask Yourself and 30 Heartfelt Prayers

This book speaks to single Christian women tired of advice that treats singleness as a defect. Gunn and Goyer blend raw personal stories—teen pregnancy, near-misses, answered prayers—with practical questions you can actually answer on paper. Read it if you're waiting, dating badly, or rebuilding after heartbreak, and want hope anchored in something sturdier than a wedding date.

1. 1Chapter 1

   God Holds the Pen, You Hold the Choices

   The authors introduce the framework of seeing your life as a story authored by God, with you as a character making choices that shape the plot, and ask the reader to consider what kind of storyline she is currently living.

   The idea

   Framing your life as a story changes how you evaluate a relationship. The waiting years count as much as the wedding day, and the question is what kind of character you're becoming in this chapter.

   Try this: Write one sentence describing the storyline of your last six months, then one sentence for the storyline you want. Compare them.

2. 2Chapter 2

   A Teen Pregnancy, a Son, and a Man Who Said Yes to Both

   Tricia Goyer shares her personal story of becoming pregnant in high school, choosing life for her son, and later meeting her future husband John, who embraced her and her son. God redeems past choices when we wait on His timing.

   The idea

   Goyer's story shows that God redeems past choices when we wait on His timing, and that a future husband worth having embraces your real story, not a sanitized version.

   Try this: If you're hiding part of your story from people close to you, tell one trusted friend this week.

3. 3Chapter 3

   Don't Put Your Life on Layaway

   The authors state their rule plainly: 'The best preparation for a future relationship is to live fully present in the life God has given you today.' They encourage pursuing passions, education, and service rather than putting life on hold waiting for a husband.

   The idea

   Preparation for marriage isn't practicing a wedding—it's becoming a person with interests, skills, and a life that would enrich someone else's.

   Try this: Name one thing you've postponed until 'someday' and take one concrete step toward it this week.

4. 4Chapter 4

   The Prayer at Fourteen That Guarded a Whole Life

   Robin Jones Gunn describes a pivotal moment at age 14 when she knelt by her bed and prayed, 'Lord, I give my heart to You. Please guard it and keep it until the time is right.' A prayer she credits with shaping her entire approach to relationships.

   The idea

   If God holds your heart first, then a future husband receives it as a trust rather than a conquest, and decisions about men get simpler when the heart's primary address is already decided.

   Try this: Kneel tonight and pray Gunn's prayer in your own words, giving God custody of your heart.

5. 5Chapter 5

   Write the List Before Loneliness Writes It for You

   The authors advise making a list of non-negotiable qualities in a future spouse—such as a shared faith, kindness, and integrity—and sticking to them. Rather than compromising out of loneliness or impatience.

   The idea

   A list made in calm moments protects you in weak ones. If you don't decide what you require, your loneliest night will decide for you.

   Try this: Write down three non-negotiable qualities in a future spouse and put the list where you'll see it before every date.

6. 6Chapter 6

   The Christian Boyfriend Who Had No Fruit

   A story is told of a young woman who dated a man who said he was a Christian. She eventually ended the relationship, realizing she was settling for a counterfeit version of the godly husband she truly desired.

   The idea

   The authors' test is fruit, not profession—what a man's life produces tells you more than what his profile or vocabulary claims.

   Try this: List the evidence that a current or past interest's faith is real—actions, not words. If the list is empty, that's your answer.

7. 7Chapter 7

   Trust Is a Decision, Not a Feeling

   The authors present the framework of releasing control: 'Trust is not a feeling; it's a decision to place your future in God's hands and leave it there, even when you cannot see what He is doing.'

   The idea

   Trust is an act of the will with a duration—place it, and leave it—not a feeling that evaporates when God goes quiet.

   Try this: Write your biggest relationship worry on paper, then physically put the paper in a drawer as a decision to leave it with God.

8. 8Chapter 8

   The Man She Chased Was the Protection She Didn't Want

   Tricia Goyer recounts a time she tried to manipulate a relationship by pursuing a man who was not interested. Only later did she see that God was protecting her from a mismatch. Teaching her not to run ahead of His plan.

   The idea

   When you force outcomes ahead of God's timing, you may succeed at getting what would have harmed you. The wait isn't just patience; it's protection in progress.

   Try this: Identify one relationship you're forcing, and deliberately stop initiating for two weeks to see what remains.

9. 9Chapter 9

   Weeds in the Garden of Your Heart

   The authors use the metaphor of a garden: 'Your heart is like a garden. If you let weeds of bitterness, envy, or past hurts grow, there will be no room for love to bloom.' Readers are asked to do heart-weeding through confession and forgiveness.

   The idea

   Bitterness, envy, and old hurts occupy the exact ground where love needs to root. You clear the ground first, so there's somewhere for love to bloom when it arrives.

   Try this: Name one weed—bitterness, envy, an old hurt—and confess it to God this week, then take one step of forgiveness.

10. 10Chapter 10

    She Almost Dismissed the Man Who Became Her Husband

    Robin Jones Gunn tells how she met her husband Ross when she was not looking. He was a friend of a friend who showed up unexpectedly. She almost dismissed him because he did not fit her preconceived image. A lesson in staying open to God's surprises.

    The idea

    Your preconceived image can filter out the very person God sends. Hold your picture of a future husband loosely enough that a real, better man can walk past your filters.

    Try this: Write down your mental image of a future husband, then circle which traits are truly essential and cross out the ones that are just packaging.

11. 11Chapter 11

    You Become What You Watch, Read, and Scroll

    The authors warn against consuming romantic movies, novels, and social media that create unrealistic expectations. Stating: 'What you feed your mind will shape your desires. Feed on truth, not fantasy.'

    The idea

    The desires you end up with are downstream of the inputs you choose. If feeding shapes desire, then changing the diet changes the appetite.

    Try this: Cut one romantic media habit for a week and replace it with something true—a biography, Scripture, a real conversation.

12. 12Chapter 12

    Forgiving the Father Who Left

    A reader's story is shared about a woman who carried unforgiveness toward her father for abandoning the family. After going through a forgiveness process, she found freedom. She was later able to enter a healthy marriage without projecting past wounds onto her husband.

    The idea

    Unforgiveness is portable—it travels into every new relationship. The work done in singleness paid dividends in union.

    Try this: If someone's name triggers old anger, write them a forgiveness letter you never send, naming exactly what you're releasing.

13. 13Chapter 13

    Purity Is a Heart Set Apart, Not a Rulebook

    The authors define purity as more than physical boundaries: 'Purity is a lifestyle of honoring God with your body, mind, and spirit. It's not about a list of rules but about a heart set apart for Him.'

    The idea

    Heart-based purity has no edge case because the question is always the same—does this honor God with my body, mind, and spirit?

    Try this: Pick one input—app, show, habit—that dulls your devotion, and remove it for seven days as an act of setting apart.

14. 14Chapter 14

    Whose Voice Are You Believing?

    The framework of filtering voices is introduced: 'Not every voice that speaks into your life is from God. Learn to recognize the Shepherd's voice and reject the voices of fear, shame, and the world.'

    The idea

    The battle is discernment, not willpower; you can't out-discipline a voice you've mistaken for your own. Learning the true voice is how you stop obeying imposters.

    Try this: When a condemning thought arrives this week, write it down and label it—fear, shame, or world—before deciding whether to believe it.

15. 15Chapter 15

    Contentment as a Single Mom: Active, Not Passive

    Tricia Goyer describes her season as a single mom working and writing. Learning contentment not as passive resignation. But as active trust that God was at work in her waiting. A lesson she later saw as foundational for her marriage.

    The idea

    Contentment is trust that God is working during the gap between desire and fulfillment. The work of a season is often only legible from the next one.

    Try this: List three ways God is clearly at work in your life right now, and thank Him for each one out loud.

16. 16Chapter 16

    Love Is Patient, Kind, and Not Self-Seeking—Test Everything Against It

    The authors contrast the world's definition of love as a feeling with the biblical definition from 1 Corinthians 13. Urging readers to measure any potential relationship against the standard of patient, kind, not self-seeking love.

    The idea

    Feelings are real data but a terrible standard. Patient and kind can be observed; self-seeking can be observed.

    Try this: Take 1 Corinthians 13's descriptions—patient, kind, not self-seeking—and honestly rate any current interest against each one.

17. 17Chapter 17

    Pray for Him by Name, Before You Know It

    A specific prayer practice is recommended: 'Begin praying for your future husband by name, even if you don't know it yet. Pray for his heart, his purity, his walk with God, and his preparation for you.'

    The idea

    Praying for an unknown person converts vague longing into specific intercession, and builds the marriage's habit of prayer before the marriage exists.

    Try this: Start a dated prayer list for your future husband: his heart, his purity, his walk with God, his preparation. Add to it weekly.

18. 18Chapter 18

    Name the Fear, Then Replace It

    The authors identify common fears—never marrying, marrying the wrong person, repeating parents' mistakes. Counter them with the rule: 'Fear is not from God. Every fear must be brought into the light and replaced with the truth of God's love and sovereignty.'

    The idea

    Fear isn't from God, so any choice you can trace back to it is already suspect before you evaluate its logic. Fear must be evicted by something stronger.

    Try this: Write your top marriage-related fear on paper, then beside it write one truth about God's sovereignty that answers it.

19. 19Chapter 19

    You Need People Who Ask the Awkward Questions

    The importance of godly mentors is stressed: 'You need people who will tell you the hard truth in love, who will ask the awkward questions, and who will cheer you on toward God's best.'

    The idea

    You need people positioned in advance, with permission already granted, so the awkward question can be asked at the moment it's needed—not after the wedding.

    Try this: Ask one mature believer this week for permission to ask you the awkward questions about your love life—and mean it.

20. 20Chapter 20

    A Helper, Not a Doormat

    The authors explain the biblical concept of a wife as a helper. Not as a doormat but as a strong partner who comes alongside. And ask readers to assess whether they are developing a servant's heart.

    The idea

    The biblical helper brings real capacity alongside someone—strength is the prerequisite, not the casualty. Servant's heart is something you develop now, not something that switches on at the altar.

    Try this: Find one way to serve someone in your life this week with no possibility of recognition or return.

21. 21Chapter 21

    When Your Earthly Father Distorts Your Heavenly One

    A story is told of a woman whose strained relationship with her earthly father distorted her view of God as Father. Through counseling and prayer, she experienced healing. That transformed her ability to trust a future husband.

    The idea

    A bad entry in your first dictionary definition of 'father' corrupts every lookup that follows—including how you read God and how you trust a husband.

    Try this: If your view of God mirrors your view of your father, name one specific distortion and pray through it this week.

22. 22Chapter 22

    Vulnerability: Not If, but With Whom and When

    The authors state: 'Love requires vulnerability. You cannot experience deep intimacy without risking your heart. The question is not if you will be vulnerable, but with whom and at the right time.'

    The idea

    The skill isn't armor or openness—it's judgment about who has earned the risk, and when.

    Try this: Identify one person who has earned deeper access to your real thoughts, and share something true with them this week.

23. 23Chapter 23

    Think Past the Wedding to the Legacy

    Readers are challenged to think beyond the wedding day to the kind of marriage, family, and spiritual legacy they want to build. Framing the search for a husband within a larger life purpose.

    The idea

    Wedding-day thinking optimizes for a single event; legacy thinking optimizes for a multi-decade partnership, and the two produce different shortlists.

    Try this: Write one paragraph describing the spiritual legacy you want to leave in fifty years, then ask what kind of partner builds that.

24. 24Chapter 24

    Surrender the Timeline, the Method, and the Outcome

    The authors clarify that submission to God's plan means surrendering the timeline, the method, and the outcome. Trusting that His way is better than any plan the reader could craft for herself.

    The idea

    Partial surrender isn't surrender—it's negotiation. Releasing the timeline doesn't mean passivity but redirected energy toward the life God has given today.

    Try this: Identify which of the three—timeline, method, or outcome—you're still gripping, and deliberately release that one in prayer this week.

25. 25Chapter 25

    If the Answer Is No, He Is Still Enough

    The difficult question of lifelong singleness is addressed. 'If God's answer is no to marriage, He is not withholding good from you. He is offering you Himself, and He is enough.' The authors share stories of single women living full, joyful lives.

    The idea

    By confronting lifelong singleness directly, the authors protect the theology: God's goodness doesn't hinge on a wedding. Singleness is an offer of God Himself, not a withholding.

    Try this: Write down what you'd do with your life if you knew marriage wasn't coming—and consider doing some of it this month.

Single Christian women who want their waiting season to count for something, and anyone recovering from dating patterns that keep producing counterfeits. Also valuable for mentors and parents guiding young women through relationship decisions.

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